Cereal

Friday:

Two days ago, I got an email from ANAD -National Association for Anorexia Nervosa.

There are no treatment options nearby.

The only option is online treatment with an therapist who specializes in ED's.

It's only for people who have a commitment to recover.

Recover
Cover
er?.

What, cover up the Ed, and have it dormant inside me waiting for a moment of weakness?
I don't know if am ready?

Saturday:

Awhile back, I fasted on weekends. It took several months to break that habit.

I woke up anxious over the possibility of recovery.

When I am anxious, I turn to the ED to block any thinking that causes me to be anxious.

I focus on that feeling of hunger and denying it. I made a step to try to recovery, I didn't take any laxatives, diet pills or dieter's tea today. I have been using them for more than one year and a half.

Every part of me, wanted to go on a fast because I wouldn't be able to get rid of it.

With my familys' help, I ate lunch. I couldn't eat breakfast or dinner.

But I did it.

I ate and didn't get rid of it!

Sunday:

I remember waking up an starring at the sky and getting lost in it's beauty.

Now, I am starring at this uneaten bowl of cereal. I was suppose to eat it for dinner yesterday.

There's another one next to it, my breakfast.

I am getting lost in thought, thinking about today.

There is going to be a family dinner that I can't get out of.... That I can't get rid of.