A Bullet of Linguistics

I am sorry, I can't begin to form the words that will bid a final farewell to this disorder.

A starved mind can't fire a bullet of linguistics.

The delivery must be spoken with raw passion and emotion.

Afterwards, there has to be a willingness to admit your faults and amend your ways.

There is still a part of me that is not ready to turn from this, that mutes my thoughts, stammers my voice, and tells me less is more.

That part of me, is getting smaller and smaller as I work on recovery.

I know that I’ll never rid myself of these thoughts completely until I turn my back on this.

I am waiting…what is it going to take to stir those recovery thoughts within me?

Will it be the first time I’m rushed to the ER or the first time I am admitted to Recovery ward?

The anorexic thoughts have held a permanent residency in me for so long that I don’t which are mine underneath it all.

When did I become this way?

Was it a conscious decision, a genetic predisposition, or a series of split decisions?

Did I object, contemplate the outcome, or just pursue aimlessly?

For now, it has to be enough to work on physically getting stronger by eating my meals.

The devotion to recovery will hopefully come soon.

PS. sorry for all the weird titles. I've been listening to The Mars Volta!!